my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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