I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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