woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
