Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
