Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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