Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
