I'm laying in your front yard are you home
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
