On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she looked like the before picture.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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