ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
