My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am naked and annoyed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
