we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
