that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
