I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
