Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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