if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
