thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
