Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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