Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
