this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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