if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
