just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
