She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
