i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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