i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
