there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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