Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can text with my tongue
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
