oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
