I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh god it's open bar.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
