we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
