Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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