Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
