Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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