Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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