why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
