Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
