Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
