areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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