I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
