pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
