I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
