Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
