this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
