I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
