dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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