shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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