Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
