you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
