It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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