Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
