after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
