i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
