thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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