Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
