Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize