You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
