please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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