at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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