I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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