Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
