No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
