Non-Jews are for practice
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
