forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
