break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
