my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize